How to deal with a crush

Sometimes we get crushes because we are projecting all sorts of desirable qualities onto someone that in reality, we dont really know.
It is normal to have a crush, but it isnt normal to obsess over it. If you are finding yourself obsessing over your crush to the exclusion of all else, or other people that you could be with, that couldnt be good.

Is there any way you can approach this person? i mean...could this go somewhere? If the answer is "no"...it might be best to put your attentions elsewhere.
If the answer is "maybe"...start chatting with the guy, flirt a little bit and see what reaction you get.

In my case, i get crushes when i am single and unfulfilled in my dating life,
but the objects of my affection are usually people i already know.

talk to the guy.
dont come on too strong..just flirt slightly. You will be able to tell from his reaction if there is any interest there.

Talk to the guy...Not like trying to pick him up but - a simple how are you...I know if I was the other guy - I would appreciate cool conversation even if I was not interested in a guy...

Yep.
I've had many people say, "im glad you started talking to me because i was too shy to"

Crushes are a nightmare to deal with sometimes. You daydream about the person, you have constant thoughts about the person, you fantasize about the person and then you choke up when it is time to meet the person.

I think it is a natural obsession we have to have these crushes. The best thing to do is feel the person out. Engage in conversation and learn more. Naturally this will better assist you in your endeavors on whether to persue or just keep the crush.

As a personal note, I have had a guy tell me that he use to have the hardest crushes on me and just could never tell me. The guy and I became very good friends; I would have considered going out with him because I, too, liked him. However, he is now married... who knows what could have been..........

Originally posted by bblumbee@Feb 11 2005, 04:01 PM
As a personal note, I have had a guy tell me that he use to have the hardest crushes on me and just could never tell me. The guy and I became very good friends; I would have considered going out with him because I, too, liked him. However, he is now married... who knows what could have been..........

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Ugh, I HATE that situation as many years ago that happened to me as well! After that, I made sure that I made it clear that I was interested in someone (I probably never would have gone out with my husband if I didn't)

I've had both success and failure with being the 'crusher' and the 'crushee'.
I do regret not doing or saying anything when I have met women who I really think would be great to get to know better. Sometimes they were very casual aquaintences, so I only saw them on rare occasions, but others were within my school or work environment, where I saw them often. In some cases, I had a crush even though I knew she was involved with someone, so it was better off left unsaid. Time usually ended many of my crushes as classes ended, people got new jobs, etc.

One did work out as I let her know I was interested in her. She thought of me as just a friend and we did become the best of friends. Occasionally I would remind her that I liked her, but she declined with a smile. About a year later, I expressed my interest again, and this time we made love right then and there, the start of a lengthy realtionship. You never know sometimes!

The first time I was aware a woman had a crush on me, she became my first girlfriend! We were school friends and hung out togther as part of a group on many occasions. We all took a weekend trip together, and I did notice that she was hanging around me more than usual. It did take another friend to say to me that she was interested in me, before I fully realized what was going on. I was still nervous as I asked her out, even though I was fairly sure the answer would be yes (it was.)

The 2nd time I was aware of a woman's crush on me (and last so far) it was really a case of instant mutual attraction. We were seated on opposite sides of a table at a wedding and I could not keep my eyes off her. I caught her glancing my way just as often. We passed each other in the hallway going to/from the restrooms and talked for a few minutes. She made it very clear that her 'date' was an old boyfriend, now just a friend. After dinner I asked her to dance and was just about to ask her out while on the dance floor, when she handed me a slip of paper with her number on it!
Easiest first date request I ever had! Later on my friends said they noticed the sparks she and I and said I should have done something about it. I was happy to say I did and I have her number!

LapDog

Originally posted by woskxn@Feb 11 2005, 09:06 PM
I get so turned on by these kind of guys though..quiet, kind of laid-back, they look like they always are thinking of something (makes them look very sexual) and of course good looking. For me, the guys that are more out-going, but maybe even better looking, doesn't do it for me as much.  (I dont feel uncomfortable)

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Just out of curiousity - just so I can picture the type of person you are talking about - what actor would you say he looks like that and has the same look or reminds you of him...And again - just talk to the fella or offer him an upgrade on his coffee...

Whenever I've had a crush, I've been straigh forward about it. The only person I had a crush on and never told was this new teacher in my senior year. Coach Michelle Rojohn (some of you might know the name - she was on our olympic dive team).

Woskxn - cool now I know the type of guy you are talking about...Yeah - I really like Jake Gyllenhaal - I think he is a great and under appreciated actor...And he is so good as those tormented characters he plays...Loved Donnie Darko and I like the Good Girl too and the Day After Tomorrow was good but not the dark characters he usually plays...

HI,

I tend to test the waters and sometimes even then I dont get it right . I think people can get a pretty good vibe as to whether you like them or not.Usually they send you vibes in return as to whether they are available or would rather pass. There are so many variables that go into whether one can move from the secret admirer to the anything more concrete. If in doubt, go slow.


Naughty

Originally posted by woskxn@Feb 10 2005, 10:08 AM
I work at a coffee place part-time and there is this one guy who I am just head over heels for. He comes in everyday (at around the same time too) and when I see him, I melt. I get nervous, uncomfortable and I forget where I am heh I try to put on the best face while he is there and then when he goes it takes me a couple of minutes to compose myself.

There is just something about him..well, first, I find him very attractive. I find it very sexy what he usually wears and just how he carries himself. He is kind of quiet and laid back and he has this face where you can see he is thinking about something (which makes it very sexual for me) like he is kind of uncomfortable too or something.

Now I see hundreds of guys daily, and if we were to talk about natural looks, there are quiet a few who are better looking that way, but I dont get the same reaction from them.
Its only him I am going crazy over.

So, I dont know what to do...I just want to stop feeling that way because I want to be in control of myself (but with this guy, I just cant for some reason)

any tips?

peace

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I think this stuff is delt with best when you just come out & talk to the person. That way you find out that s/he is human like everyone else. The fantasy or crush makes it seem like that person is beyond or better than you are. When you actually just find out that he is a vulnerable person just like you, the fantasy disappears.

when I see him, I melt. I am bi and I've like him for about 5 years now. I dont talk to him at all. its not like i dont try, but everytime i get near him i freak out and get shy around him all the damn time.

Originally posted by health_warnings@Feb 19 2005, 02:59 PM
when I see him, I melt. I am bi and I've like him for about 5 years now. I dont talk to him at all. its not like i dont try, but everytime i get near him i freak out and get shy around him all the damn time.

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You've been in situations where you have seen/observed him for 5 years: so you know something about him. Has he changed his hair style recently? Or is he wearing something a little different to what he normally does? Or if he is a sports fan/or if you know he likes a particular style of music?:

Take a deep breath, and just say to him, " I like your new hair/shirt / whatever." Or " What did you think about xyz?."

For the first type of comment, most people will be flattered that you have noticed the new hair style/shirt etc. People notice these things, but most don't comment . So when you comment, you are making a direct personal contact. And as you are passing a compliment, the reaction will generally be a positive response rather than a negative one.

The " what did you think of xyz?" question also shows the other person that you know something about his interests/tastes/likes. Make it about a positive ( the sports team victory rather than a loss etc). Again, this establishes some direct personal contact.

If you approach the situation of speaking to him by concentrating on him ( as being a really good person to know) rather than on you ( what he is going to think of me for commenting on his shirt ?) you will generate a much more positive vibe. People in most situations like those who are interested in and respond to them.


I'm a fairly shy person myself; this sort of approach has worked for me. The deep breath at the start, then the first words: the approach has to come from you. The response depends on the other person-but if you don't make the approach, in most cases, there will be no connection.


One other thing: you have to be sincere. Insincerity is so obvious. ( If you don't like his hair, empahasise the shirt instead&#33

Here you have been waiting for 5 years for him to approach you. You take the initiave, otherwise, you will be reproaching yourself. You have nothing to lose; but you may gain.

All the best,

zzorus

Hell I couldn't give you any good advice on this subject - since I just found myself in a similar mess w/a crush...